Hi! I'm Natalie Lue

Why do we sometimes lose ourselves when we get into a new relationship?

published2 months ago
2 min read

Hello Reclaimers,

You likely know of someone who, when they get into a relationship, you don't see/hear hide nor hair of them (haven't used that saying for ages, haha) until they're single again or they're beyond the honeymoon period and ready to socialise again. Or, you never see them again.

Hell, you might be that person. I know I've been. I remember having to make a concerted effort at the start of my relationship with Em to not kick my life to the kerb. Keen to start as I went on, I knew I needed to leave space to do my own thing, and it helped that, at the time, he was working on a project in Israel every second week.

Of course, losing ourselves can happen beyond the honeymoon period.

It can start innocently enough. At first, we think we're giving our all to our relationship and, over time, we don't realise where we've fallen into the trap of playing the role of the Good (or Perfect) Girlfriend/Boyfriend/Partner/Spouse. We become subsumed by our partner's seemign needs and expectations, getting married, parenthood, something and then look up and think, Jaysus, who the hell am I? Or we start to feel resentful about having no time to meet our needs.

In today's blog post, I share two key reasons we lose ourselves in our relationships because I think so many of us feel baffled as to why our friendships, interests, hobbies, and ourselves, have fallen to the wayside.


When you stop giving to receive and only do so because it's what you would do anyway, not only do you stop overgiving but you also see where the land lies with certain people. And that can only be a good thing.

- Nat Lue

ON THE PODCAST: The Real Reasons Behind Affairs

I go through phases where there seems to be one particular subject I get asked to talk about again and again. For the last several months it's been affairs. I think there are a lot of misconceptions about why affairs happen that we use to blame ourselves for another person's infidelity or to shame or attack, and so in episode #264, I get into the nitty gritties of the real reasons behind affairs.

The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast


I'm excited to be hosting my first live show. I'll be recording an episode in front of a studio audience that will become a future episode, and then I'll be hosting an exclusive Q&A for attendees (not recorded). If you live in or near London and love the podcast, please come along!


Instead of a book, I've got a few interesting links that feature great advice.

When Giving Someone the ‘Benefit of the Doubt’ Is Actually a Bad Idea, According to a Psychologist “I always tell people, ‘catch your justifications,’ and that the four most dangerous words in the English language are ‘benefit of the doubt.’”

Confessions Of A Perpetually Single Woman "Situationships are just wax fruits in a bowl: They look like the real thing until you try to taste."

Start Blaming Single Men, Right Now "You are not the source of your singlehood, you are not required to live in a perpetual state of 'bettering' yourself in order to attract a partner."

Until next time, take care of you,

Natalie x