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Hi! I'm Natalie Lue

Playing nice and suppressing feelings leads to erupting and losing our temper

published3 months ago
2 min read

Hello Reclaimers,

As a recovering people pleaser, I spent a good chunk of my life avoiding expressing my feelings, particularly any I thought wouldn't be well received by others or that flew in the face of being the Good Girl. In fact, there was a time when I conflated expressing anger with losing my temper.

When I think back, though, to each time I've lost my temper which, thankfully, has been few and far between in more recent years, without question, every single time it's come on the back of me holding myself in and biting my tongue instead of being myself.

Sometimes, when I erupted and lost my temper, it was with the person it related to. Other times though, I erupted with whoever happened to be there when I got tipped over the edge. Maybe they were upsetting me in some way but they also got whatever I hadn't expressed elsewhere.

I learned over time that anger is a healthy and valid emotion but that if I am consistently inauthentic and silencing myself it's only a matter of time until when not if I erupt and lose my temper. Also, being angry and losing our temper are not one and the same thing.

In the current episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I talk about why we surprise ourselves and others by losing our temper and behaving uncharacteristically. I also share tips for warding off losing our temper and for recovering from it without getting lost in shame.

Check out the episode.


WORDS TO LIVE BY

"You're the thinker of your thoughts, feeler of your feelings, and keeper of your needs, so you've got to take of your boundaries and bandwidth."

- Nat Lue

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I'm writing this from the spare room which is my base for the next while thanks to Covid. Yep, it finally got me.

Thankfully, I'm okay. It feels like the rotten head cold I'd only just started getting over plus some aches. I love spending time in my own company, but I think being stuck in the spare room might test that to the max! In the meantime, I'm napping, reading, little bit of work, doodling and punch needling.


On The Baggage Reclaim blog

While it can be flattering when someone expresses romantic interest in us even if we don't reciprocate their feelings, for plenty of people, it's the start of a super awkward situation particularly when they have to continue running into the person in question. In today's blog post, I explain how these situations can get out of hand and how to make our position clear.


THIS WEEK'S BOOK

Atomic Habits by James CLEAR

After feeling as if I see it everywhere, I recently relistened to the audiobook of James Clear's mega bestseller Atomic Habits. In it, Jame's offers up steps and inspiration for making habit change and formation easy by making our habits small and easy. As a recovering perfectionist, I particularly like that he isn't focused on 'goals' and productivity.

For more on habits, I also recommend The Big Leap, The Power of Habit, Small Move, Big Change, and Laziness Does Not Exist.


Until next time, take care of you,

Natalie x