profile

Hi! I'm Natalie Lue

Love, Care, Trust & Respect: Sometimes Our Expectations Turn Us (& Others) Into Mind Readers

published15 days ago
2 min read

Hiya, Reclaimers,

I turn forty-five later this week--Jaysus, how did that happen? Is it not the nineties anymore?🤣--and as I reflect on what I'm becoming more sure of, it's the need to use healthy boundaries to release me from unrealistic expectations--my own and other people's.

Recently it occurred to me that many of the run-ins I've had with my mother throughout my life revolved around what was, in essence, a failure on my part to mind-read. I didn't live up to the picture she'd painted in her mind.

Like when she told me that she was mad at me because she'd moved nearly two hundred miles away and expected that I'd visit more (because most of my dad's family, who I don't even see that often, live up that way). Keep in mind that she used to live about 25-30 minutes away, and we saw her plenty. Make it make sense!

Similarly, though, much of my pain, with her and others, came from consciously and unconsciously using the good deeds of my people-pleasing to predict what could, will and should happen.

In this week's blog post, I talk about why as hurtful as it can be when others disappoint us, it's also a wake-up call that liberates us to enjoy more loving relationships and healthier situations.

I've noticed that the less I people-please, and the more I keep it honest and boundaried about who I and others are, the happier I am. I don't take people not meeting my expectations so personally because I'm not living in a fantasy.

p.s. The newsletter will be every two weeks from now until September as I'm officially on my summer break and will be going off on my travels for a bit. The next newsletter will be on 8th August.


WORDS TO LIVE BY

Sometimes your gut knows before your head does. That's okay, make sure you listen anyway. The truth of what your gut registered will reveal itself.

- Nat Lue


ON THE PODCAST: Shifting From Shady to Loving Relationships

The podcast is on its summer hiatus until September. If you haven't had a chance to listen yet, check out the episode I recorded in front of an audience last month. In it, I share hopeful notes on building more loving relationships and knowing where to draw our line with shady malarkey.


DON'T FORGET! Enjoy 40% off my audio sessions

If you enjoy listening to the podcast, check out my sessions. These are my 45-90 minute audio series that coach you through changing your relationship with something that currently impacts your self-esteem and your ability to know and take care of yourself. The latest addition is The Self-Soothing Sessions, ideal if stress tends to trigger you into frustrating and painful patterns. Check it and my other sessions out, and enjoy an exclusive 40% off.


THIS WEEK'S READS & LISTENS

Instead of a book, I've got a few interesting links that feature great advice.

‘How Can I Get My Co-worker to Stop Complaining to Me?’ "Gina is using your time in a way that your other colleagues aren’t. She is routinely negative and critical, becomes even more negative when you disagree, and has ignored all your cues that you’d like to get back to work — three things that probably aren’t the case with the co-workers you’re happier to chat with."

I Went On Honeymoon To The Maldives… Alone "I said I needed more than just a companion; he said he wanted less. So I pulled off the plaster and told him it was over."

How I Became a Pathological Liar “If I ever thought of these as lies, I soon came to see them as part of the etiquette of poverty — a means of getting by for the poor and also a gift we give to the rich, a practice that lets us avoid talking about the uncomfortable differences between us. Over time, it becomes second nature.”

Until next time, take care of you,

Natalie x