Hello, Reclaimers,

Each year, as it approaches the end of the current year and the beginning of a new one, I notice how my mind gets busy plotting plans and shifts.

Decades of hearing New Year, New You rhetoric, along with a plethora of New Year's resolution advice, mean that even though I'm not into those said resolutions, I'm programmed to associate this time of year with a "need" for change.

And then I catch myself.

One of the central tenets of my work is that change is about becoming more, not less, of who you really are.

We are constantly evolving and tweaking and adapting, even though we might be entirely unaware of it, or we might feel it's all happening at far too slow a pace. Shout-out to all the fellow perfectionists, recovering and otherwise, who hate feeling out of control and not knowing "what's next" or the Path.

While I don't subscribe to New Year's resolutions, I do value reflecting on the year that's gone by and using that to guide my future nos so that I also guide my future yeses.

Being more aware of what I need, want to and should say no to also stops me from pursuing goals for the wrong reason and in ways that hurt instead of respecting and encouraging me.

Change, getting closer to the things you need and want, means getting clearer and more empowered about what you need to say no to.

As I explain in the final podcast episode of 2022, it's New Year, New No. I also talk about the dark side of people pleasing--yes, there is very much a dark side. From how people pleasing turns us into liars to what you can learn from Gone Girl, Tiger Woods, burnout, and getting friend-zoned, it's a bumper episode.

LISTEN TO EP 276

A heads-up: I totally forgot to mention the previous episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions in the Dec 5th newsletter. It's all about why we don't have to be friends with our ex(es) and making sure that if we do cosign to friendship, that it's for the right reasons. Listen to the episode.

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WORDS TO LIVE BY

“Don't commit to people who are on the fence about you.”

- Nat Lue

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read.watch.listen

​My boyfriend, a writer, broke up with me because I’m a writer​

I found this Guardian piece fascinating because, while the boyfriend certainly took issue with her writing, he actually broke up with her because he doesn't know his arse from his [controlling and gaslighting] elbow and was deeply unavailable and afraid of commitment.

"The ability to bend an inch at a time while seeming to stand up straight is a useful and gendered skill. Most women I know do it regularly. They bend until they’re pretzeled and then blame themselves for the body aches."

I'm swotting up about house plants and how to get rid of the little flies. If you're reading this and know the secret, let me know, because they're driving me batty and I'm starting to think I have to get rid of my collection from my studio! And, yes, I know that it's from when I overwatered them ages ago. Ack!

I'm currently reading Celeste Ng's Little Fires Everywhere and Gabor Maté's The Myth of Normal.

I haven't been watching much telly lately, bar Christmas movies with the kiddos--you know I love Gremlins, Elf, and The Grinch. I have watched the first half of Harry & Meghan and need to put aside time to dive into the remainder.

My podcast listening has also taken a bit of a hit recently, but I've really got into Art Juice, which features a series of conversations and interviews about creativity and what it's like being a working artist.

Until next time, take care of you,

Natalie x

P.S. Thanks to everyone who's taken the time to pre-order so far. If you haven't claimed your bonus online course and podcast episode yet, please forward your receipt to book@thejoyofsayingno.com​

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PRAISE FOR THE JOY OF SAYING NO

“With her unrivalled insight into the ways of people pleasing, Natalie Lue nails the reasons why we continually say yes and gives us permission not to. Enjoy the joy of saying NO, relieved of guilt or obligation. Freedom awaits.”

Susanna Reid, host of ITV's Good Morning Britain

“Nat’s book is the first place I recommend anyone go if they were to take back control of their life. Through simple tools, straightforward talking and compelling storytelling, Nat has created a boundaries bible.”

Emma Gannon, host of the award-winning Ctrl Alt Delete podcast and bestselling author of The Multi-Hyphen Method and Olive.

Pre-order The Joy of Saying No from your favourite bookseller.