Recently, my friend called me in a panic. She'd applied for a role, been excited about being asked to do the first interview, and then woken up worrying about all sorts of scenarios that morning.
When she finally breathed out after ten minutes, I told her that I understood her anxiety and also that, wait for it, she hadn't even had the telephone interview yet. "Slow your roll!", and we both howled with laughter.
It's like when you go back on the apps after not dating for a while, start chatting with someone (or agree to meet), and then you start imagining why your family might not like them or why this person might reject you, or wondering about getting married. Incidentally, this is something my friend also does, which only made us laugh even harder.
Some of us, like my husband Em, are better-case scenario folks or just don't tend to think so far ahead that it triggers anxiety and panic. They need more data.
And some of us, including myself, as I talk about in the current episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, do dress rehearsals in our minds of worst-case scenarios as part of our protective mechanisms.
We recently spent four long weeks waiting for clarity about a family member's health condition, and it was interesting to observe how my mind went to some pretty scary places during this time but to also dig deep into my tools for managing anxiety and worry. Of course, I share these in the episode.
|LISTEN TO THE EPISODE|
And side note: After reminding my friend that just as with dating, a job interview goes both ways, she relaxed, enjoyed the interview, and ultimately turned down the role because she realised it wasn't a fit.
WORDS TO LIVE BY
Boundaries are like garlic and daylight to vampires. They're not going to scare everyone away, but they will rightly filter out people and situations that would deeply compromise and even endanger you if you were to continue.
- Nat Lue
ON THE BLOG: Trying to Make Someone Change Won’t Fix the Problem of Poor Boundaries
It's easy to fall into the trap of believing that our ongoing discomfort about something will go away if we can just make the other person learn the error of their ways. I explain why, even if we do get someone to change, little else will change if we don't update our boundaries.
Did you know that I have a free audio series, The Emotional Baggage Sessions?
We're encouraged to declutter our homes but don't realise how much 'junk' we're carrying in our minds and bodies from the past that affect the way we think, feel and behave today. In fact, the pivotal factor in why we keep going around in circles on something, like a frustrating dating, relationship or work pattern, is unresolved emotional baggage. And the great thing is, starting to clear and tidy up our emotional baggage doesn't have to be complicated or scary! I show you how to get started over five audio sessions.
|GET THE EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE SESSIONS|
THIS WEEK'S READS & LISTENS
Instead of a book, I've got a few interesting links that feature great advice.
This Is How We Talk About Ending Things ”I didn’t yet know how many times I would have that conversation with other men in other cars or libraries or dorm rooms, how repetitive it is, how humiliating rejection feels at first but how that feeling always fades, how predictable relationships become when you start to guess when and where these conversations will happen.”
The Difference Between Busy and Non-Busy People “Unbusy people have thought long and hard about the legacy they want to leave, the goals they choose to pursue, and the significance they wish to discover.”
The Value of 'No': What we can learn from rejections. ”In life and in our jobs, one ’yes,’ at the right moment, from the right opportunity, can make up for 100 "no's.’”
Until next time, take care of you,