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Hi! I'm Natalie Lue

Does having better boundaries mean new 'second chances'?

published5 months ago
1 min read

Hello Reclaimers!

Something that gradually learning to be more boundaried has taught me is to stop basing what I do and don't do on what is essentially my fantasies about how other people will think, feel and behave in response.

Time and again I've discovered in various guises that come the rain, hail or shine of other people's feelings and behaviour, I've got to be the steward of my boundaries and bandwidth. In the past where I would have decided that because I'd 'learned my lesson' or that I felt better, that the other party had too, now I'm only calling it for myself.

One of the areas where this has been particularly liberating is around this idea of second (or gazillionth 😆) chances. In the past, it was as if I thought I was waving my magic wand.

Now I'm like 'Life moves on' and as a result, when I treat and regard myself with love, care, trust and respect instead of beating me over the head about where others (or I) have erred, it's my evolved boundaries that ultimately shape my future interactions with these people, not an internal debate and guilting and gaslighting myself.

This is something I explain in today's blog post because ultimately, we don't have to use giving chances as a way to 'test' ourselves or others.

See you next Monday, and take care of you.

Natalie

P.S. I also have a great podcast episode on giving out second chances.

The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast

If you feel confused about what 'self-esteem' is, you're not alone. It's not as if we grew up being actively taught what it is and how to build it. In episode 248, I demystify self-esteem and share the watershed moment that opened my eyes to what self-esteem is really all about.

Also on the blog

I'm listening to/watching/reading...

  • I rekindled my love of Billy Ocean while I was on holiday in Jamaica, and I can't get enough of Love Zone and There'll Be Sad Songs (To Make You Cry).
  • My friend Tiffany Han is doing a year-long experiment, The Year of No. She's given up social media and shopping for new clothes, to name a few. This podcast episode gives insight into what she's learned during the first few weeks.
  • I stumbled across Lovesick, a British comedy series about three friends, one of whom has a STD and has to reach out to all of his past partners.
  • After remembering that I was saving Wahala as my next book club pick, I finished Luster, an uncomfortable, sardonic account of a twenty-something woman's twisted relationship with a couple. And I read six books this month.