profile

Natalie Lue

Does having better boundaries mean new 'second chances'?

Published about 2 years agoΒ β€’Β 1 min read

Hello Reclaimers!

Something that gradually learning to be more boundaried has taught me is to stop basing what I do and don't do on what is essentially my fantasies about how other people will think, feel and behave in response.

Time and again I've discovered in various guises that come the rain, hail or shine of other people's feelings and behaviour, I've got to be the steward of my boundaries and bandwidth. In the past where I would have decided that because I'd 'learned my lesson' or that I felt better, that the other party had too, now I'm only calling it for myself.

One of the areas where this has been particularly liberating is around this idea of second (or gazillionth πŸ˜†) chances. In the past, it was as if I thought I was waving my magic wand.

Now I'm like 'Life moves on' and as a result, when I treat and regard myself with love, care, trust and respect instead of beating me over the head about where others (or I) have erred, it's my evolved boundaries that ultimately shape my future interactions with these people, not an internal debate and guilting and gaslighting myself.

This is something I explain in today's blog post because ultimately, we don't have to use giving chances as a way to 'test' ourselves or others.

See you next Monday, and take care of you.

Natalie

P.S. I also have a great podcast episode on giving out second chances.

​

The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast

If you feel confused about what 'self-esteem' is, you're not alone. It's not as if we grew up being actively taught what it is and how to build it. In episode 248, I demystify self-esteem and share the watershed moment that opened my eyes to what self-esteem is really all about.

​

Also on the blog

​

I'm listening to/watching/reading...

  • I rekindled my love of Billy Ocean while I was on holiday in Jamaica, and I can't get enough of Love Zone and There'll Be Sad Songs (To Make You Cry).
  • My friend Tiffany Han is doing a year-long experiment, The Year of No. She's given up social media and shopping for new clothes, to name a few. This podcast episode gives insight into what she's learned during the first few weeks.
  • I stumbled across Lovesick, a British comedy series about three friends, one of whom has a STD and has to reach out to all of his past partners.
  • After remembering that I was saving Wahala as my next book club pick, I finished Luster, an uncomfortable, sardonic account of a twenty-something woman's twisted relationship with a couple. And I read six books this month.

​

Natalie Lue

Writer, author and artist helping people reclaim themselves from their emotional baggage and shady relationships since 2005 at BaggageReclaim.com.

Read more from Natalie Lue

Hello, Reclaimers, How do you know when you need to stop something or are ready for a change? For a lot of us, whether we're aware of it or recognise it with the benefit of hindsight, our knowing crept up on us with niggles and hints. While we'd like to think that the realisation hits us out of the blue like a thunderbolt, even those thunderbolt moments stem from subtler, missed or ignored niggles and hints. We were simply ready to hear and see whatever it was. Recently, I accepted something...

about 1 year agoΒ β€’Β 2 min read

Hello, Reclaimers, I'm still on my annual winter break, which has reminded me that when we free up our time from one thing, it's easy to fill it up with something else if you're not intentional with that time. It's why I hear from people who say they need a holiday to recover from the holiday because they used their "time off" to do all the stuff they don't usually have time to do, which isn't time off. When I reflect on these breaks, I recognise that given that I'm self-employed, these...

about 1 year agoΒ β€’Β 2 min read

Before you read this week's newsletter, a quick reminder that today is your last chance to pre-order The Joy of Saying No and claim the bonus of my online course Reclaim Your Work Boundaries. Details here. Happy New Year, Reclaimers, Is it just me that's starting to feel a bit pooped and we're barely a week into the new year? Jaysus! I'm technically on my usual winter break but due to the book coming out, I've got various promo and organisation bits to do. My book was originally supposed to...

about 1 year agoΒ β€’Β 2 min read
Share this post