profile

Natalie Lue

Making decisions that honour our needs, not everyone's approval, is okay

Published over 1 year ago • 2 min read

Hello, Reclaimers,

Part of listening to and getting to know yourself is discerning which choices you want to make.

Of course, even when we have a sense that we need or want to do something and are aware of the decision it involves, we can struggle to make and follow through on it.

There are some decisions I find pretty easy to make. I might hear 'Hard pass!' in my head or, it just feels like a no-brainer to go ahead. Sometimes I jump right on things.

But there are other decisions, and they're not necessarily big ones, where I'll sit on them for a while for one reason or another.

Typically, it's because I'm wrestling, on some level, with my own expectations. I am a recovering people pleaser and perfectionist, after all, and established 'norms' and 'rules' make a part of me go, But is it okay that I want to do something else?

When I eventually make the decision, it's because I've paid increasing attention to the niggles and gained further clarity along the way.

And then once I decide and say it out loud or go ahead and do the thing, I wonder what the hell took me so long!

In the current episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast, I share what I learned from making a recent decision and the importance of doing things from a place of desire instead of obligation.

It turns out that paying attention to our 'shoulds' helps us identify where we can make decisions that leave us feeling good about ourselves.


WORDS TO LIVE BY

Any person who expects you to destroy your well-being to meet their needs, expectations and desires is not someone who has your best interests at heart.

- Nat Lue


ON THE BLOG: When is it 'okay' to sleep with someone? You decide, not the fake rules or shoulds.

Over the years, I've received so many questions from people who essentially want a magic formula for dating, especially around the whole question of when or whether to sleep with someone. I explain why these so-called rules don't work and cause more problems than they solve.


The Self-Soothing Sessions

Enjoy 40% off my audio sessions

If you enjoy listening to the podcast, check out my sessions. These are my 45-90 minute audio series that coach you through changing your relationship with something that currently impacts your self-esteem and your ability to know and take care of yourself. The latest addition is The Self-Soothing Sessions, ideal if stress tends to trigger you into frustrating and painful patterns. Check it and my other sessions out, and enjoy an exclusive 40% off.


THIS WEEK'S READS & LISTENS

Instead of a book, I've got a few interesting links that feature great advice.

Don't Surround Yourself With Admirers "Mutual admiration is the mark of what Aristotle would call a 'perfect friendship.' But collecting friends who admire you more than vice versa—especially for your status, money, or looks—is good for neither happiness nor becoming a better person."

It's Time To Stop Romanticising The One That Got Away "I’m not thinking of him but this made up version of him. Not something we built together, but something I’ve made up in my head when I’ve zoned out of the podcast I was listening to, when my head’s against my pillow at night."

Writerly Perseverance and Knowing When To Give Up “You must never give up on writing itself. But sometimes you need to give up on what you’re writing.”-- I love this piece of advice. Swap writing for love, relationships, yourself and it could be, for example, giving up on chasing Mr/Miss Unavailables.

Until next time, take care of you,

Natalie x

Natalie Lue

Writer, author and artist helping people reclaim themselves from their emotional baggage and shady relationships since 2005 at BaggageReclaim.com.

Read more from Natalie Lue

Hello, Reclaimers, How do you know when you need to stop something or are ready for a change? For a lot of us, whether we're aware of it or recognise it with the benefit of hindsight, our knowing crept up on us with niggles and hints. While we'd like to think that the realisation hits us out of the blue like a thunderbolt, even those thunderbolt moments stem from subtler, missed or ignored niggles and hints. We were simply ready to hear and see whatever it was. Recently, I accepted something...

about 1 year ago • 2 min read

Hello, Reclaimers, I'm still on my annual winter break, which has reminded me that when we free up our time from one thing, it's easy to fill it up with something else if you're not intentional with that time. It's why I hear from people who say they need a holiday to recover from the holiday because they used their "time off" to do all the stuff they don't usually have time to do, which isn't time off. When I reflect on these breaks, I recognise that given that I'm self-employed, these...

about 1 year ago • 2 min read

Before you read this week's newsletter, a quick reminder that today is your last chance to pre-order The Joy of Saying No and claim the bonus of my online course Reclaim Your Work Boundaries. Details here. Happy New Year, Reclaimers, Is it just me that's starting to feel a bit pooped and we're barely a week into the new year? Jaysus! I'm technically on my usual winter break but due to the book coming out, I've got various promo and organisation bits to do. My book was originally supposed to...

about 1 year ago • 2 min read
Share this post